Tryin’ to Figure it Out..

Discovering a new pattern of behavior –

The start of a new year encourages a burst of inspiration because it’s like the Monday of the year, my favorite day of the week.  I can’t say I hate middles and ending, but they do manage to lose my attention at lightning speed.

So, now that we’re in June I have officially reached my personal state of Limbo. Things I have to do continue to come in quick and I’m not having trouble getting these things done because I’ve been doing them since the beginning of the year, but the stress and anxiety that lives in my body is starting to feel it. Without my permission, because again I think I feel fine. Overwhelmed, but I got this.

To bring this post back on track, the inspiration for dissecting a few of my trains of thoughts come from these posts… (Credit to @NadineJane_Astrology)

Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 11.45.25 AM.pngScreen Shot 2018-06-01 at 11.45.37 AM.png

I’m a Cancer Sun, Aries Rising. Constantly in conflict with myself wanting to go out there and just f***ing DO IT ALREADY (the Aries in me), fighting with the I want to be in a safe controlled environment where I know exactly what I am doing and what is happening around me at all times (the Cancer in me).

This state of limbo manages to peak around this time of year. The Middle. Not so much my favorite part of most timelines. Mostly because I don’t know where the ending is at this point. (Cancer me starts wondering: Will I get to go home anytime soon?) And it’s not quite the exciting beginning where the high of anticipation allows Aries me daydreaming how to make it all as magically manic as possible.

So, this is me trying to figure out what I need to work on to reach the last quarter of the year with fewer of these notorious mental breakdowns.

The best way to get my thoughts in order is to create a list. Even of the most mundane daily life tasks need to be written down or I will not get anything done. This list is Present Me molding Future Me.

My Five Year Plan (Dreaming Big)

  • Keep Creating. Allow it to get weird and controversial. Get out of my fear of Doing the Unconventional will put people off my ideas. Five year old me wore an alien keychain on the hoop of my overalls to the yearbook picture day and didn’t think it was weird because it was just me being myself. My mom’s comment to allowing me this on picture day: “I thought it was cute!” Day One enabler.
  • Finish the feature length script I started. It’s already outlined. I have no excuse as to why it’s not completed other than the fear of hating it during/after the process. But there’s only one way to find out!
    • Haven’t wrote about this idea to share on here because the idea is too developed to put on the internet and feel comfortable about it.
  • See where this side job gets me in the film making business. Again, continue pushing the limit of being creative with it because there’s only one way to show your true self and that’s just by being your(weird)self. And everyone is freaking weird let’s be real.
  • Taking a completely different turn here but, save up time and money to study to be a Neonatal Nurse, a nurse for babies. Only because I want to learn to do everything.
  • Lastly, recognize when I need to step back and take a mental health day. Like today. To reorganize and recompose myself. I forget how daring and headstrong I can be, but because of ignored built up stress I can manage to go months holding myself back and practically being paralyzed into my own thoughts and fears.

I hope we can all find a way back to ourselves when they feel stretched thin. The best way to focus back to what’s most important to you is to list out and focus on exactly what you want for yourself. For your future self.

I’m also going to look up at the stars tonight because that’s the quickest way for me to rediscover perspective.



2 thoughts on “Tryin’ to Figure it Out..

  1. Derrada says:

    Wow, Brenna. You have a lot on your mind, but opposite of me, it is actually an organized mess! Just keep your dreams fired up and you should have no problem sticking to the goal! I’m rooting for you…


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